Why is making a change so difficult?

We all have that person in our life who we hope will change.

Maybe it’s a family member who doesn’t believe in themselves. Or a friend who drinks too much. Or worse still, maybe it’s your partner. You know deep down that the relationship is over, but you stick around hoping that they will change because whilst loving them hurts, the thought of losing them hurts more.

What if you are that person in someone else’s life? The person someone looks at and thinks, “If only they would…”

What if you are that person in your own life?

Making small adjustments and changes to accommodate loved ones or colleagues is usually easy to do, but long-term change, the type of change that is meaningful and sustainable, well, that’s tricky.

This type of change requires courage, focus, an openness to experiment, a commitment to hard work, and perseverance, which is why it is so difficult.

Let’s be honest, most of us are juggling multiple roles and tasks and we are lucky if we get 10 minutes to ourselves in a day, making it easy to get distracted and fall into whatever behaviour comes naturally.

However, there are countless stories of people who have transformed their lives, so we know that change is possible for any person who truly wants to change and is willing to do the work required.

I understand that committing to change and taking action that moves you toward your vision often requires a leap of faith because the outcome is not guaranteed. This makes most people want to run away. Leaps of faith are entertaining in movies, but in real life, they are scary and fill us with fear and uncertainty, two emotions that are not comfortable for the human brain. 

Fear is a powerful source. It can drive us to achieve our goals, or it can paralyse us when we want to take a leap of faith. The truth is for most of us, fear paralyses us more than it motivates us. 

Many people are familiar with the fearful voice in their heads. The inner critic that makes you lose your nerve by telling you that nothing will ever work out or that the stakes are too high. It’s the one that convinces you of the impossibility of change. Steering you away from the danger of the unknown that is present in change.

This inner critic is naturally wired to jump to catastrophe, scare you out of opportunity, and pour water on your dreams. It enjoys having you scared and doubtful because then you are more likely to stay within your comfort zone, taking no risks. 

Our brain actively strives to reduce uncertainty about future outcomes to escape those feelings of discomfort and stress, so is it any wonder that many of us have drawers full of vision boards and goals that we’ve never acted on?

In my experience, I have found that facing fear with facts helps lessen its power over you.

Think about the best decision you’ve ever made. It could have been buying your first house, saying yes to the job, getting divorced, or having children. If uncertainty and change make us so uneasy, why do so many of us look back fondly on bold decisions? 

Looking back at your decision-making history allows you to see patterns that you might not otherwise notice, providing a crucial perspective for reducing uncertainty and increasing your tolerance for fear of taking the next big leap of faith.

Fear will never disappear because there will always be the unknown, and the unknown is scary, but over time, this perspective-taking will build new neural pathways in your brain. You may still feel the discomfort of fear in your body, but its voice has less control over your actions, enabling you to try new things and move into new frontiers. 

I have worked with numerous clients to help them overcome the discomfort of a leap-of-faith decision. To make change, act, and move towards the life they want. 

What I can tell you is that there is never the perfect time to make a change. Only a readiness to take the first step.