How to build confidence

How often have you relied upon the opinion of others to guide your decisions?

Just think of the number of parenting books that are consumed globally, and you’ll start to appreciate that many of us don’t trust that we know what is best or right for us. We feel much more comfortable deferring to the “experts” to find a solution rather than listening to and following our intuition. 

Trusting ourselves is perhaps one of the hardest things to do because, for many of us, it feels unfamiliar, risky, raw, or even frightening. 

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines trust as

Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed.

Many of us don't trust ourselves and our decisions. We don’t place confidence in our ability to know what is right for us. Have you ever found yourself sitting in a hairdresser and the stylist asks, “What are we doing today?” and you find yourself saying, “I don't know, what do you think I should do?”

Self-trust is the ability for us to take in external information, advice, feedback, and comments, with love and gratitude and not allow that information to take over our decision-making process. It is the ability to reach deep down inside our inner world and access the wisdom and resources we need to find the answer and make the right choice. It means being brave enough to be true to ourselves, honour our inner wisdom, and stand firm in our decisions because we are the only ones who know what we truly need and want. 

When you think about it logically, how can we rely on others, their advice, and their opinions, if they don’t feel what we feel, have not walked in our shoes, and have not had the life experiences we have had? Seems absurd, doesn't it?

Self-trust is important because it helps us make better choices in life with confidence and authority. It helps us form strong values, recognise our inner passions and pursuits, and develop a clear direction of where we want to go in life. 

If you don’t have self-trust then it is difficult to build self-confidence, which is believing in yourself. 

Confidence is the strength of belief in a decision. It is a belief that you can create a successful outcome through the action you take. It’s the ability to overcome self-doubt, and not let nerves hold you back from your goals and ambitions. Confidence allows you to take bigger leaps and play bigger in life. Without self-trust, you unconsciously stop yourself from reaching for and achieving greatness. You limit yourself psychologically and don’t dare to go higher or dream bigger.

Imagine what life could be like and what you could bring to humanity if you were empowered to greatness. 

A great place to start when cultivating self-trust is to seek inspiration and wisdom from the children in your life. If you ever watch children playing, you will likely be amazed by how much trust they have in their decisions. They know exactly what they want to eat, and how they want to play and are guided by their inner voice. As children, we ask for what we need and often don't rely on others. So why have we learned in adulthood to betray ourselves, our needs, desires, and wants, and to turn to others to tell us what we need, want, and desire? 

Focus on reconnecting with your body. Be aware of what you are feeling and experiencing. I encourage you to sleep when tired, eat when hungry, cry when sad, and vent when angry! 

Developing confidence through self-trust is essentially about building a better relationship with yourself. It’s showing yourself compassion, listening to yourself, and giving yourself the space and things, you need to thrive.