How to build a growth mindset

The way we look at things and the perspectives we have directly impact the way we experience life.

Fortunately, learning to master our thinking is as simple as understanding how our mind works at a deeper level. 

The choice to look at things from different perspectives is available to all of us and has the power to open up all kinds of new and fresh approaches. This is not about pretending that bad things don’t happen or that everything is wonderful. The truth is, we all lose our bearings from time to time, we get caught up in dark thoughts or a low mood and find the world a harsh and unforgiving place.

What I am advocating is becoming more self-aware about who, on a day-to-day basis, is in control of your thoughts and actions. It is about noticing when your inner critics have hijacked your mindset and you are spending your days ruminating, full of anxiety, obsessing, shaming, blaming, and unconsciously playing small. In those moments, instead of blaming your job, your partner, your children, or the universe in general for your problems, recognise that you have the power to change your mindset, and consciously choose to seek out a different perception and experience of life. 

I want to share with you a step-by-step guide for how you can build this growth mindset.

Notice your inner critics

The first step is to notice when your inner critics are narrating your experiences, and this requires being grounded in your body. It is being present to the physiological cues that your body is giving you when you feel negative emotions. These physiological signs can help you recognise whether you are in the grips of your inner critics or your authentic self. 

When you feel the presence of negative emotions, pause. Take a deep breath, consciously taking a longer exhale than inhale to restore your parasympathetic nervous system and bring you into your body. The act of taking a conscious breath provides distance between your negative emotion and the thought that sits behind it, allowing you to respond rather than react to the situation, circumstance, or person.

Tune into their narrative

The next step is to tune into the narrative that is sitting behind the negative feelings. Michael Singer, in his book The Untethered Soul, encourages us to approach our inner critics with a sense of curiosity. What do they have to teach us? What are they actually trying to tell us? 

From personal experience and from listening to my client’s stories, I have experienced inner critics showing up in consistent and familiar ways:

• Black or White Thinking. Classifying things as all or nothing, “If I’m right then, that means he’s wrong.”
• Mind-Reading. Predicting or assuming what someone else is thinking, “She will be angry if I say no to doing this.” 
• Unhelpful Rules. Adhering to strict rules that limit how to live your life, “I must get a nine to five job if I want to be successful.”
• Justification. Linking two unrelated ideas to justify a decision, “The waiter was rude to me, so it’s reasonable that I didn’t leave a tip.”
• Exaggerated Thinking. Making a situation into something bigger than it is, “My partner didn’t kiss me this morning, so this means she is going to leave me.” 

Connect to your body

By identifying how your inner critics show up in your body and the kinds of things they tell you about yourself, you can begin to distance yourself from your old, antiquated thoughts that don't serve you anymore, which is the third step in the process. Richard C. Schwartz in his book, No Bad Parts shares, “You need to find out what their belief is, what trauma they're holding, and then help them release that so that you can move forward as an adult.”

Taking a moment to understand the messages and beliefs that sit behind your inner critics, understanding what needs are trying to be met by them, and acknowledging, not fighting, this, will start to reduce the volume of their voices, giving more opportunity for your authentic self to emerge as your main inner storyteller.  With your authentic self leading the way, you can respond to situations, events, and people with more curiosity, love, compassion, empathy, and creativity.

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Try this… Bring to mind a situation when you felt overwhelmed or anxious. Notice where the feelings are sitting in your body.  Now, tune into the words and phrases you are hearing in your head. What does the voice in your head tell you about yourself? Notice how you are holding yourself right now. How are you breathing? Notice all the sensations present in your body and the impact this has on you. Physically shake off this energy and take some time to capture your insight from this exercise. What are you learning about your inner critics? How and where do they show up in your body?

Getting to know your inner critics and their limiting beliefs is a process that takes time. The good news is that once you become aware of how to recognise, allow, investigate, and nurture your inner critics, the path to living in peace, creativity, and success is more direct, light, and enjoyable.